Yeah, I know, I know, ‘it’s just the All-Star Game, who cares?’. Fortunately, this column isn’t about the actual game at all. The internet is already oversaturated with red-hot takes on the NBA’s new approach from, get this, actual paid writers, so why should I bother trying to out-spice the people with a budget? 

No, no… This right here is about something much more important…

This is about the legitimate history and legacy of who truly matters and survives in the immortal catacombs of the perpetual collective basketball memoir. 

Or in simpler terms, who starts an All-Star game, who doesn’t, and why.

All-Star honors are one of the few ways we can succinctly measure the careers of NBA players against one another across league history because it’s (supposed to be) a record of the players that really mattered in the league that particular season. Think of it like this:

If every NBA season was a blockbuster movie, the All-Star starters would be the main characters. The plot of this movie is simple; these characters all want the same thing, a championship, so the story follows them all on their competing quests to capture it until the real hero of the season emerges victorious at the end of the third act.

There’s plenty of side characters that pop in for a scene or two, but they’re not the ones driving the plot. Ultimately, and I know it’s a harsh reality, they don’t matter to the story.

One of the starting players in this year’s All-Star game is uniquely a side character.

See if you can spot the imposter: 

Eastern Conference:

G Trae Young – Atlanta Hawks

G Kemba Walker – Boston Celtics

F Giannis Antetokounmpo – Milwaukee Bucks (team captain)

F Pascal Siakam – Toronto Raptors

C Joel Embiid – Philadelphia 76ers 

Western Conference:

G James Harden – Houston Rockets

G Luka Doncic – Dallas Mavericks

F LeBron James – Los Angeles Lakers (team captain)

F Kawhi Leonard – Los Angeles Clippers

C Anthony Davis – Los Angeles Lakers 

Like I said, these starters are mostly a perfectly acceptable snapshot of the players that truly matter in the ’19-’20 season. It’s 90% perfectly acceptable, to be exact. 

But that other 10% belongs to Trae Young.

Trae Young plays for the Atlanta Hawks. The Atlanta Hawks are the third worst team in the NBA. They have no chance of even making the playoffs, let alone making a legitimate impact on the story of this season.

I’m not saying Young is a bad player by any means. He’s far from it thanks to his offensive game and… well, yeah really just his offensive game but the point stands. 

Putting up 30/4/9 a night is nothing to sweep under the rug (even when you’re taking 20.7 shots per game at a 35% usage rate). His primary claim to fame is riding the 3-point wave like nobody since Steph Curry, the guy who created the current in the first place, to the tune of 36.9% (81st in the league!). 

All that is true. All that is relevant. It’s just not important.

You can throw all the Twitter clips of him sinking 40 footers or dancing on a mismatch you want at me. None of it changes the fact that the Hawks are utterly irrelevant to anyone not in the Migos.

But Trae Young specifically stealing a starting spot in this game isn’t the thing that should concern basketball fans the most; his presence on the floor for the opening tip-off is a symptom of a much larger disease.

The NBA’s All-Star starters are determined by a system that is, for lack of a better term, dumb.

Basically, the process boils down to four steps:

1. Current NBA players, select media members, and any fan with an internet connection cast their all-star votes for players in each conference

2. Players who receive votes are then separated into frontcourt or backcourt positions and ranked by where they finish in each of the three separate voting bodies

3. Using those rankings, a final score is calculated to determine the top three frontcourt and top two backcourt players in each conference

4. Those players become the All-Star game starters 

Doesn’t sound so terrible, right?

Well, *30 for 30 narrator voice kicks in* “What if I told you…”

Those rankings in step 3 are weighted so that fan votes count twice as much towards the final score as the media’s or players’ votes do.

Now… I’m gonna let you in on a little secret; the only thing dumber than people in general, is people on the internet.

(unless that internet person happens to represent Line-Stepper Sports, in which case they are borderline omniscient) 

Can you imagine this system being common practice in the non-sports world?

Say you want to assemble a super team of doctors to attend to the world’s most important people (the president, the Secretary-General of the United Nations, Kanye, etc.). How would you decide which of the world’s top medical professionals make the team?

You’d take a vote, of course! It’s only democratic, after all. But who in this wide world actually knows enough about modern medicine to have a say in such an important decision? 

Should you measure the opinions of…

A. Other real-life professional doctors

B. Credentialed journalists who are paid to cover the medical field on a daily basis

C. People on Twitter who are aware of how to use a hashtag

D. All the above but C counts for double

You see what I’m saying here?

Yeah, I know nobody’s gonna botch a brain surgery because the Celtic’s fifth-string center got the sixth most frontcourt fan votes in the Eastern Conference, but you get it.

Trae Young, through no fault of his own to be fair, was only a an All-Star starter as a distinct result of this absurd system. 

His spot at the tippy-top of the fan voting among all Eastern Conference guards is what’s responsible for carrying him to the apex of the overall voting leaderboard for that position.

Of course, it’s worth noting that Young’s case as a starter was only really made possible by Kyrie Irving playing just 20 games before the break. But it should take more than a single random injury for the leader of a 15-win team to start an All-Star game.

This has been a tough year for the Eastern Conference backcourt in general, which is another major contributing factor to Young’s starting spot. There’s not an ideal replacement candidate in the field, but Ben Simmons (17/8/8) and Kyle Lowry (20/5/8) are both guys who play for teams that matter and as an added bonus are actually familiar with the concept of defense.

And if we’re going to continue not rewarding players on teams that actually matter, Bradley Beal (29/4/6) exists (although no one seems to be aware of his existence, since he criminally didn’t make the All-Star roster at all).

You could argue that Young’s highlight-heavy style of play lends itself to the circus-ball of an All-Star game better than any of these alternatives, and for that reason alone he be out there to begin the contest. Honestly, that does make some sense to me. I mean, ignoring the significance of the thing entirely as I painstakingly laid it out, then sure yeah I can see it.

Well, if you can believe it, despite my incredibly impactful opinion on the matter, Trae Young did in fact start in this All-Star game and had a chance to prove me wrong. So, see for yourself how he did.

If you don’t feel like combing through a box score like it’s a cease and desist letter, I’ll give you the highlights. And it’s only fitting that I do; we’re talking about Trae Young, after all.

Young saw a total of 15 minutes and 45 seconds of court time, the least of any starter on either team. It’s also less than opposing reserves Ben Simmons, Russell Westbrook, Chris Paul, and Domantas Sabonis, as well as reserve teammates Kyle Lowry, Khris Middleton, and Rudy Gobert, and even less still than Devin Booker, the injury replacement for Damian Lillard. Guess I’m not the only one who didn’t think Young deserved a ton of playing time. Point: Brad. 

But hey, maybe Young made a real impact on the game in the same time it normally takes to shower after you play a basketball game.

Short (or highlight-length to fit the theme) answer, nope.

In his limited shifts, Young made 2 whole signature three-pointers (ostensibly the only thing he’s really there to do), tied for fifth most in the contest. Point: Brad. 

He gave up 4 turnovers, which was only to be outdone by Lebron James (has carte blanche to do whatever he damn well pleases as an active top five GOAT candidate) and tied by both Booker (another representative from a basement team, go figure) and Jimmy Butler (not even totally sure how this happened, but props to him for hilariously matching Young in almost 3 minutes less of court time). Point: Brad. 

I’ll give credit where credit is due; Young led the game in assists with 10, although I’d be remiss to not point out all of them came before the final and only legitimately competitive quarter. But I’ll admit, it does look nice in the box score. (strictly aesthetically-based) Point: Trae.

Young limited himself to a pedestrian and appropriate 10 field goal attempts and converted an only slightly below average 40% of them, including a similarly only mildly below par 33% from beyond the arc. (strictly abstinence-based) Point: Trae (Wow we’re working with a low bar here, huh).

Additionally, Young, who squeaked into the double digits with 10 total points, managed to outscore Luka Doncic by 2 (on 4 more shot attempts but who’s counting). So hey, add that little fun fact to the list of delusional justifications the Hawks can tell themselves for foolishly passing on Doncic in the 2018 draft. (strictly insanity-based) Point: Trae.

So, in total, we have 3 substantive, crucially legitimate point for me, and 3 caveat-laden, overly generous, and frankly completely manufactured points for Trae. You decide who’s right here…

I’m just playing with you. Of course, I’m correct. You think I wrote 1700+ words just to leave this up for open interpretation? Nah. Not my style.

Trae Young may have proved me correct in this year’s game, but again, he’s only recent evidence of the most important problem present in the All-Star institution: getting the right guys on the court in the correct capacity.

The NBA needs to do better, and I bet eventually they will. They’re pretty smart about most parts of their league. I just hope eventually comes fast.

Otherwise, get ready for your 2021 Eastern Conference All-Star game starting center, Mr. Tacko Fall.